I wish I knew. I want certainty.
I need to know. Yes, I need to know.
How can I prepare if I don’t know?
“Show me the way!”
I shout at God.
“Tell me now! I must know. Now!”
If I just listen more closely.
Maybe, if I quiet myself.
This path? That path? Certainly, not the other path?
Certainly not.
Today, I know where my foot should fall.
Here. Yes, here. I’m sure it’s here. Positively.
Yes. Yes. Yes. This is it.
Or is it?
Doubt. Fear.
I don’t want to be hurt.
I don’t want to make a mistake.
I really do want to do what God wants.
But.
But what if this path is too rocky?
What if that one disappears among the muck?
What if I’ve got it wrong. It’s not like the signs are in neon.
Why turn either way? Why not stay right here?
I love it here.
Really, mother. I love it here.
I wish I knew.
Is there a path for me at all? Do I matter?
What if this path –the one I already know — is ordained for me?
Sigh.
Is the sandy path down near the beach my path?
Maybe the rocky one that leads to the clouds is mine?
Perhaps this linoleum trail I’ve been on is mine?
Mine.
Mine. Mine. Mine.
I need to know my path.
How can I prepare if I don’t know?
I have to pack after all.
Do I fill the Samsonite with shorts & tanks or jeans & hoods?
I mentally torture myself trying to determine the path.
This one? That one? Another one?
“Show me the way!”
I shout at God.
“Tell me now! I must know. Now!”
But what if the divine doesn’t work that way?
What if I have choices?
What if I can feel the calf-burn of moving up sandy dunes if I want?
What if the pinch of tiny rocks in my mountain hikers is my choice?
What if the drizzly fog freezing on the smooth rocks is my preference?
What if?
What if any one of these paths is mine?
What if any combination of many paths are mine?
Perhaps, just perhaps the spirit is revealed upon any trail,
any trail upon which I come alive!
Maybe any one of these paths and more are ordained for me if I choose.
I think maybe, just maybe.
Maybe that is what it means to be created in the image of God: to have choices before me and to make whatever path I traverse a place where I bring myself, wholeheartedly, and brimming with love to share.