When I’m Ready

When I’m Ready
Oasis to Come
Oasis to Come. Photo by Tim Graves. Creative Commons License, BY-NC-ND 3.0

On the trail,
all alone,
I’m not.

On the trail,
a partner,
sometimes silent.

On the trail,
a sojourner,
always present.

On the trail,
a voice,
a companion.

***

My companion,
listens,
as I cry & yammer.

My companion,
encourages,
free thought.

My companion,
appreciates,
randomness.

My companion,
smiles,
and love and hope hug me.

My companion,
speaks,
in word, sign, & through vistas.

***

When I deny, avoid
and question,
the companion waits.

In my confusion,
along the other paths I find,
my companion marvels at slug & frond.

When I worry,
and the world wounds my soul,
my companion points to  the lilies.

When I avoid,
choosing the present,
my companion warms me in the now.

When I push  back,
shouting “I hate you!”
my companion sticks around.

When I yearn & crave decision.
my companion offers a word or sign,
wrapped in hope, love, patience, & a hug.

***

A decision,
an issue,
flutters inside.

A decision,
interacts with,
bud & puddle of mud.

A decision,
an issue, pros & cons,
take turns deep within.

A decision,
with each step,
floats to the surface.

A decision,
is apparent,
and I lack trust, & confidence.

A decision,
eludes & hides,
behind fear and angst.

A decision,
waits patiently,
until I choose to hear.

***

On the trail,
all alone,
I’m not.

My companion,
listens,
as I cry & yammer.

When I deny, avoid
and question,
the companion waits.

A decision,
an issue,
flutters inside.

***

When I’m ready for joy,
the word or sign,
wrapped in hope, love, patience, & a hug await.

 

Seeking Certainty

Seeking Certainty

I wish I knew.  I want certainty.
I need to know. Yes, I need to know.
How can I prepare if I don’t know?

“Show me the way!”
I shout at God.
“Tell me now! I must know. Now!”

If I just listen more closely.
Maybe, if I quiet myself.
This path? That path? Certainly, not the other path?

Certainly not.

Today, I know where my foot should fall.
Here. Yes, here. I’m sure it’s here. Positively.
Yes. Yes. Yes. This is it.

Or is it?

Doubt. Fear.
I don’t want to be hurt.
I don’t want to make a mistake.
I really do want to do what God wants.

But.

But what if this path is too rocky?
What if that one disappears among the muck?
What if I’ve got it wrong. It’s not like the signs are in neon.

Why turn either way? Why not stay right here?
I love it here.
Really, mother. I love it here.

I wish I knew.
Is there a path for me at all? Do I matter?
What if this path –the one I already know — is ordained for me?

Sigh.

Is the sandy path down near the beach my path?
Maybe the rocky one that leads to the clouds is mine?
Perhaps this linoleum trail I’ve been on is mine?

Mine.

Mine. Mine. Mine.

I need to know my path.
How can I prepare if I don’t know?
I have to pack after all.
Do I fill the Samsonite with shorts & tanks or jeans & hoods?

I mentally torture myself trying to determine the path.
This one? That one? Another one?

“Show me the way!”
I shout at God.
“Tell me now! I must know. Now!”

But what if the divine doesn’t work that way?
What if I have choices?
What if I can  feel the calf-burn of moving up sandy dunes if I want?
What if  the pinch of tiny rocks in my mountain hikers is my choice?
What if the drizzly fog freezing on the smooth rocks is my preference?

What if?

What if any one of these paths is mine?
What if any combination of many paths are mine?

Perhaps, just perhaps the spirit is revealed upon any trail,
any trail upon which I come alive!

Maybe any one of these paths and more are ordained for me if I choose.

I think maybe, just maybe.

Maybe that is what it means to be created in the image of God: to have choices before me and to make whatever path I traverse a place where I bring myself, wholeheartedly, and brimming with love to share.