First Gentleman is not a family man

My wife, an ordained minister, and I have been married for twenty-six years. I like to joke that I am “the pastor’s wife”. By profession, I am an early childhood educator and have worked with and around children for closing in on thirty-years in addition to raising two children of our own. One of the things I know about marriage and about raising children is that it is like a dance in which you each take turns leading and following. At no time in this dance are the children left to figure out the steps without at least a supportive choreographer. When my wife left her well-paying secular job to answer her Call to the ministry, it was my turn to focus on the family while she focused on her Call. Our children deserved nothing less.

This is my problem with “Commander in Chief”. Geena Davis stars as the first woman President and her husband, played by Kyle Secor, seems to think that he should have a powerful career, too. I can very much relate to feelings about having to take the second seat, of having to give up a career and follow your spouse. It’s tough; I grieve at times for my career I left in upstate New York when we moved to West Virginia. But, sheesh! That is what a successful marriage is about: give and take. This character rather than realizing it is his turn to give, first considers accepting a job as baseball commissioner and then ultimately ends up with an advisory role in the administration. All the while, the preschooler and two teens flounder because he is too focused on his own needs. Those children need an ever-present father who is focused on helping them to deal with the unfathomable challenges of living in the White House. They don’t need a father who is worried about his own career more than the feelings of his children.

Alright, I do know it is only a television show but that character really does irritate me.


  1. I’m being a bad student saying “I absolutely agree”, but I do. He’s a whiner. He should be happy his wife is president and help out those kids.

  2. You know I really am excited about my first time ever even reading a blog let alone writing in one (am I?) but re the First Husband Show: I find it interesting that the Pres’s mom has arrived in the White House, and this past week was seen baking cookies in the WH residency kitchen so MOM, President Gina, could sit with her cozily and eat cookies and chat. It seems like the writers have brought in extended family to help, which is fine, and actually quite historically (not from a political perspective but a familial one)typical when we consider the extended families under one roof of the past decades. My problem is that the kids aren’t there getting grandma much but instead the Pres is. And Dad is still trying to do his thing. The focus MUST return to parenting the kids within the home, I agree, but frankly, I don’t see that happening any time soon in many of our homes. I think we have the entire era of First Dad’s/Husbands to struggle through before we hit rock bottom enough as families to “get it.” Thank you for reminding us about this, Dear Tim—Dr. L

  3. Thank you both for your comments. I can’t believe it is the 26th and I’m just now getting back to my blog to see if I received any comments.Busy, busy week.Tim

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