I’m constantly amazed out how my need for control creeps up on me. I’m also disappointed by my obliviousness to its creeping that allows it to manifest in crankiness. But my disappointment in myself is also a sign of wanting to be in control, isn’t it?
Yesterday was a long day. It was long because we’ve spent four of the last five days driving an average of 500 miles. It was long because i didn’t really want to leave family behind in Colorado. It was long because Wyoming is long. Mostly, it was long because I feel anxiety…the anxiety of being out of control, of worrying about something beyond the present, of mistakenly thinking I should be, could be, and would be best served if I were in charge of my journey.
But this journey of faith, of letting go of stuff (search the label Emptying Barns for more on this), of letting go of my comfort zone and responding to the Holy Spirit by moving 2700 miles to form a community of followers of Jesus, well, it is scary at times. It is scary in that I’m not in control. Somehow, each time I think I’m letting go well, I am reminded of my human desire to be in charge.
And some mild or more severe form of misery inevitably follows: anger, irritability, or hurting others.
God of Forgiveness, Grace, and Mercy:
I let go to you,
Only to take back.
I follow your lure,
Only to ignore your next nudge, distancing myself from loving others.
Open my spirit to the Holy Spirit,
That I might be the loving person you created me to be.
Location:W 2100 S,Ogden,United States