Secretly Craving

Yearning for the cool sheets,

   surrounding the mattress worn into my shape,

      I force myself to continue.


Ignoring gravity,

   I remain perpendicular to the floor.

      I stand, I sit, & I struggle to remain alert.


I walk through air,

   objectively normal air,

      measurably fresh air,

         clear air.


But the factually nonresistant air pushes,

   against my whole body as I take each step.

I struggle to walk,

   through neck-high water.


Clouds of emotion contort,

   what my mind knows to be.

Like a dream in which you can’t quite awake,

   clarity is there,

      but I can’t quite get to it.


I know I’m asleep.

   My emotions protect,

      shut down,

          from too much.


Too much change,

   too much stimulation,

      too much self-expectation,

         and not enough self-forgiveness.


This is human,

   this is now,

      this will not last. 


I struggle to be with my emotions.

Not-so-secretly seeing “being with my emotions” 

   as solution…

      …not-so-secretly craving rather than being.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s